As I read different articles, resources and social media posts about the tragedies of the last few weeks, most notably the horrific school shooting in Uvalde, Texas, where 19 innocent children and two educators lost their lives; I think about many of the families and children I work with as a home health pediatric physical therapist. Many of the children my team members work with already struggle with emotional regulation. They already struggle to communicate their wants and needs. The strategies and suggestions offered in those articles don’t always suit the unique needs of the families we serve and maybe for your family too.
So here are five things to think about in order to help create an environment for healing not only within yourself but also with these little ones who are already themselves having a hard time staying in their center.
Do one thing at a time - This is actually the best piece of advice I have received when trying to recover from my own medical trauma. Really it is a misconception that anyone can multi-task and this is especially true when your system is already taxed. As a parent or caregiver, this may mean delegating tasks to some one else. If this is not possible, make a list of 3 tasks maximum and accomplish one at a time before making another 3 task list. For your child, this may mean decreasing the sensory stimuli or lights, sounds or other distractions. As your child shows that he is able to maintain an emotional balance, then more sensory stimuli can be added back in if needed to complete the task at hand.
Meditate, pray or sit silently for five minutes every day - Evidence for the effectiveness of this mind body connection is generally shown after 12 minutes of a meditative state. Start with a time duration that feels achievable for you and your child. It is my belief that mediative breathing and focused concentration is cumulative throughout the day, just like exercise. So begin with 2-5 minutes and take a couple of breaks with your child throughout the day.
Breathe - While you practice silent sitting with your child or pray with your child, you can also model slow deep breaths. If possible, try breathing in and out of your nose. This may not be physically possible for your child, but just watching you breathe slowly and with intention will activate mirror neurons and also help provide a sense of grounding to your child even without saying a word.
Touch - Physical Touch allows for bonding between you and your child. When your child feels safe and protected with you, the child’s ability to self-soothe and self-regulate will improve. This may take months or even years, depending on your child’s unique needs. Offering a loving touch on your child’s hand, or a firm hug is a way comfort a child. Massage to your child’s arm, back or legs can also activate deep receptors in the child’s skin and muscles which in turn release oxytocin. This is the “love” hormone. This is a 2-for-1 strategy, because as you are present with your child, providing a massage, the oxytocin released for your child is also release in you, the person giving the massage.
Identify resources - Who do you consider a resource? Someone you can call on in the middle of the night or someone you could ask to come over last minute to babysit your child(ren). Take a few minutes to write down a list of people who you can count on. Reach out now in a text or phone call to tell them that they made your list! Let them know how much you appreciate them. For your child, you can do them same. Additionally, if your child is able to make choices, you can write down some relaxing activities that your child enjoys to help fill up their cups. I like to write one activity down on a strip of paper and place it in a Mason jar or small box. Continue to add to the jar with activities that your child finds relaxing. Then when my child is having a hard day, I can ask her to pick one out, or I can offer her a choice of 2.
The above strategies work for everyone including children with unique needs. Even if your child may not be fully aware of the events of the past few weeks and months, they do recognize the stress within you. Use the above techniques to buffer your stress and your child will also be able to maintain more balance as well.
Follow Sparkler Parents on Apple Podcasts or Spotify for some mindful moment activities to share with you and your child.